Our Journey with Autism & ADHD

By: Diane Spell, LCSW

We were diagnosed with autism at the age of 2. I say “we” because the diagnosis impacted not
just our amazing little one, Sam, but us as parents as well. At first, it was scary and lonely. We
found ourselves grappling with sadness and confusion, wondering why this happened. Over
time, however, we adapted. Along this journey, we’ve found light, love, and joy. Today, we
cannot imagine Sam being anyone other than his true self—and who he is, is absolutely
amazing.

We began with BCBA therapy, which was intensive but incredibly beneficial. Then, after noticing
Sam struggled to sit with his peers in kindergarten, we received an additional diagnosis of
ADHD. Medication helped immensely, improving his focus and allowing him to thrive
academically. While he still approaches things differently than most of his peers, Sam is
flourishing in his own way.

My hope in sharing this story is to offer some tips that helped us along the way. I hope one or
more can help you navigate the hard moments.

1. Eye Contact on Their Terms
Sam struggled with making eye contact, which often caused misunderstandings with teachers
and adults. Instead of forcing it, we only required eye contact for positive moments like
expressing love. I would kneel to his level, gently touch my finger to his nose, and he would do
the same. These moments, brief but meaningful, helped build a special connection. It later
became a signal—just a quick nose tap—and he would focus. Creating a positive association
made all the difference.

2. Avoiding Red 40
We experimented with many diets, but the one thing we stuck with was cutting out Red 40. We
noticed it significantly impacted his energy levels and attention span. If you’re not on any
specific diet plan, try keeping track of what your child eats and how it affects their behavior.
Sometimes small changes, like removing certain additives, can make a big difference.

3. Nighttime Routine
Creating a calm, structured bedtime routine transformed our evenings. We allowed an hour for
Sam to unwind: shower, reading, deep breathing, and snuggles. We also used blackout curtains
and a white noise machine. The routine helped Sam relax, and by the end of the hour, his body
naturally began to produce melatonin, making it easier for him to fall asleep and stay asleep
longer.

4. Taking a Parent Break
This is perhaps the most important tip. I’ve lost my cool more times than I care to admit, and the
guilt that follows can be intense. But I realized I lose my cool more often when I don’t take a
step back. Sometimes, your child just needs space. It’s okay to walk away—take a break,
splash some water on your face, play your favorite song, and sing it loudly. When we’re
centered, we can better support our kids. And if you have a moment you’re not proud of, it’s
okay to talk about it with your child. Let them know you’re not perfect, and it’s okay to make
mistakes as long as we learn from them.

5. Movement Breaks
Sitting still for long periods is challenging for most kids, but especially for neurodiverse children.
We make sure to schedule movement breaks. After school, Sam swings for 40 minutes—it’s his
way of decompressing after holding it together all day. Figure out what helps your child release
their energy and give them space to do it.

6. Car Ride Comfort
Car rides were tough for us. Sam would get restless, and we’d find his seatbelt tangled, which
became a safety concern. We realized that his feet dangling uncomfortably was part of the
problem. Adding a bouncy band to the bottom of the seat helped tremendously. We also keep a
box of fidget toys in the car to keep his hands occupied.

7. The Power of Hydration
It sounds so simple, but drinking water regularly had a noticeable impact on Sam’s focus and
alertness. I 100% encourage water intake throughout the day—it’s a small habit with big
benefits.

8. Practice Going Out to Eat
We stopped going to restaurants where “being a kid” wasn’t okay and instead started practicing
at places that were more kid-friendly. One parent would focus entirely on Sam, helping him
manage the overstimulation of noise and people. Gradually, it helped him build skills to cope in
busier environments.

9. Prepare Them for Outings
Before leaving the house, we talk to Sam about what to expect. When we arrive somewhere, we
remind him again what to expect and how to handle it. This planning ahead has made a huge
difference in how he copes with transitions and changes in environment.

10. Identify Sensitivities
Sam is sensitive to loud noises and being in crowded places where lots of people talk at once.
We use noise-canceling headphones when we know he’ll be in these environments, and we
give him a heads-up about what to expect.

11. Tell Them How Wonderful They Are
Tell your child often how perfectly and wonderfully made they are. Being neurodiverse means
they see things others cannot. Building them up from an early age helps them grow into
confident, self-assured adults who understand their unique strengths.

Our journey hasn’t been easy, but it’s ALWAYS been filled with love and discovery. It can get
better, and it will. My hope is that one or more of these tips help you in your journey, too.