It’s Not Just a Bad Habit: What Your Phone Might Be Doing for You

By: Hananah Zaheer, LCMHCA, NCC

Most conversations about phone use focus on discipline: how often you check it, how to cut back, how to be more “present.” You may have tried some version of this yourself, set limits, deleted apps or promised yourself you would be more intentional with when and how you use it. If the pull remains despite best intentions and efforts, the reach for the phone can start to feel like a failure of willpower. But what if there’s more to this habit than just willpower or your ability to stick to your intentions?

For many people, a phone functions as more than a tool. It’s something they carry with them, often even at home from room to room, maybe even sofa to sofa. On the one hand this means information is easy to reach. You can satisfy a curiosity quickly by googling, or have your calendar on hand instead of having to remember times of appointments. But this means your phone is also a constant companion, and something you might reach for in uncomfortable moments. Consider the last time you were in a conversation and there was an awkward pause, or when you were by yourself in a waiting room or a grocery store line, or the moment just after you had a difficult conversation with someone. Did you find yourself reaching for your phone? Were you aware what of you were hoping for or moving away from? What did the moment feel like in your body? 

In stressful moments, the phone can sometimes offer immediate relief. It fills the space and shifts your attention away from the present discomfort by providing a sense of connection in the form of access to messages or social media updates. It can be, in this way, a kind of emotional regulation; it can soothe, or distract, or take the edge off uncertainty or discomfort. If you are someone for whom closeness has ever felt inconsistent, or if you’ve had to manage your feelings largely on your own, having something like a phone which is reliably within reach can feel stabilizing. And most importantly, you don’t have to wait, or to risk being misunderstood or ignored. The phone responds, in its own way, every time.

The relief, however, is often partial and temporary. You may notice that after scrolling for a little while, the original feeling still doesn’t fully go away, or that something about the experience feels thin or shallow or empty. Over time, you might also find it harder to tolerate stillness, boredom, or the need to turn to the phone when faced with the more complex emotions become more intense. In this way, the very thing that helps distract or comfort in the moment can quietly narrow one’s capacity to sit in discomfort. 

So, instead of asking a question like “How do I stop using my phone so much?” it might be useful to ask: “When do I reach for my phone?” or “What is happening right before I reach for my phone?” 

If you’re wondering whether your phone has become more than just a tool, pause and notice a few simple things. 

• Do you reach for it most when something feels uncomfortable? Is the moment before quiet, uncertain or emotionally charged? 

• Does your phone offer a quick sense of relief, even if it doesn’t fully satisfy? 

• Do you find yourself turning to it instead of remaining engaged in whatever is happening in the moment, or staying with an uncomfortable feeling long enough to understand it?

• When you try to put your phone down, does something in you resist? 

The goal is to slow down the moment of reach, and to understand the role it might play in your emotional life. If the answer to any of these questions is a yes, this is a clue. You might begin to notice patterns: a spike of anxiety, a dip in mood, a sense of disconnection, or even a moment when you don’t quite know what you feel. These are experiences worth getting curious about.

Hananah Zaheer, LCMHCA, NCC, is an outpatient psychotherapist. She provides depth-oriented therapy for adults exploring anxiety, relationships, and identity with a focus on how early experiences and cultural context shape emotional life. Her work centers on patterns that repeat across time, often outside of awareness, and the possibility of understanding them in a new way. Like many of her clients, she is also paying attention to her own relationship with her phone. She can be reached at hananah@threeoaksbehavioralhealth.com.